Tuesday, 6 September 2016

KEITH VAZ or The Very Curious Exploits of a Washing Machine Salesman Called Jim!

CONTENT WARNING: This is the edited version of an excerpt featured in the 16th revised edition of  The Moonshine Memorandum (see below). It deals with sex, including adult videos, obscene  photography, and images of topless models as well as discussions on the issues of rape and sexual violence, such as  might be offensive to trigger-sensitive students, millennial mutants,  inter-sex individuals  and/or other forms of gender-based intelligent  life. Continue at your peril...


            It’s been one hell of a ride. The  Chairman of the Home Affairs Select Committee Keith Vaz has stood down. How could this happen? Having publicly apologised to his wife and children for the “hurt and distress” he caused, Leicester East MP Mr Vaz dutifully stated that "those who hold others to account must themselves be accountable." Following allegations by a Sunday Newspaper about having paid two male escorts for sex, that sounds very noble and wise. Particularly after having previously indicated he’d be referring the newspaper’s conduct to his solicitors.
Indeed, does Article Eight of the Human Rights Act, based on the European Charter - "a right to respect for private and ...erm..family life" - apply to Max Mosley alone? Few legal firms would take it on a no-win no-fee basis. What he ought to have said is this: “Service throughout was superb. I apologize if that sounds disingenuous, but I don’t need attention. I don’t need disruptions of the very important inquiries by the Committee I am chairing, particularly the one on prostitution. I was only really interested in the scientific challenge of my own libidinous investigations. The public eye is an intrusion on my working day. And believe me, you're welcome!”
No, I'm perfectly serious. Setting 'poppers' aside, satisfying our sexual desires will be the biggest sociological challenge of the 21st century. Indeed, perhaps the  single strangest social fact about the modern world is the astounding pace of the increase in the pursuit of sexual gratification. Sex is the first and the final frontier. All pleasures simmer down to sex. We shall never reach the end of our rainbow of  startling, unpredictable variations and weirdly half-baked ways of doing it.  When life is cleansed and sanitized of all its oratory and inanity, what is left is fornication. If the purpose of the human community is the security of the family, then its governments and constitutions are meant to facilitate, pledge and
promise fornication.  Fornication is a universal requirement; a need as fundamental, as inevitable, to the support of human life as nourishment,  liquid, solid  or otherwise. The focus on sex, its compulsive consummation, availability and occurrence are so intimate, so personal to our understanding of how we function,  that no one could possibly hold forth or dogmatise about it as an outside observer. My own understanding, based on the experience I’ve gleaned over a lifetime of sensual, self-seeking, voyeuristic and orgasmic consummation, is that fornication is the ultimate release.  When you are given the opportunity,  you grasp at it predatorily. It is a prehistoric, pre-semantic act of entitlement. The lure of it on the minds of the susceptible is impossible to exaggerate, as is its furtive taboo and the compulsive opportunism of its consummation.  For the one true and personal reality about life is that the best sex anyone has ever had is the sex they weren’t supposed to have.

No verdict, on the other hand, seems to be delivered on a fundamentally erotomaniac age in which fulfilment not only falls far short of promise but in which every single day thousands ‘maddened by
sex’ become the victim of situations which must inevitably put them at cross purposes with the law.[1]  "A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy," said Mukesh Singh, who is now appealing his death sentence. But Bra-Busters-of-Britain, a dot.com site, intending to ignite a mature intelligent discussion about sex in Britain today, and “one that could help society address its addiction to mindless porn,” had no such compunction. To coincide with Mouth Cancer Action Month,[2] their display included three naked people having their pictures taken and a giant screen above the podium flashing up-to-the-minute viewing of cunnilingus, deep-throat, anal, incest, teenage violation and “Daddy loves to hatefuck me” - which is about as far as the contemporary vocabulary of pornographic licence can legally take us.[3] You could also buy fetish gear such as French maids outfits and “slut panties for bad girls”. After which I felt I had a purpose. Paedophile attendance was prohibited. So were Rolf Harris, Max Clifford and  Professor John Ashton, president of the Faculty of Public Health, who had urged ‘reluctant parents’ to inform their 3-year-olds about the secrets of sex.[4] In a mystical mood and much inclined to talk of Divine Will, the Pope also wanted to ban Peter Ball, former Bishop of Gloucester, but letters written in support of Ball - so The Sunday Times[5] helpfully tells me - by two archbishops, a bishop, a High Court judge, two MPs, three head teachers and two chaplains of leading public schools, suggested that Balls was clinically depressed and that it was not unreasonable to assume his love for children was grounded in duty and dedication rather than passion. The children’s opinion of the matter remains unknown.






[1] SEX MOB SPARKS REVOLT AGAINST MAMA MERKEL The Sunday Times 10.01.16 “I had never seen so many aggressive men face to face - they were just taking it in turns to grab at my breasts”
[2] Human papilloma virus (HPV) passed through oral sex could soon overtake smoking to become the leading cause of mouth cancer among men and women.
[3] There are now an estimated 100m images of children being abused in circulation, compared with some 7,000 in 1990.
[4] Tell 3-year-olds about sex, urges health chief. Sarah-Kate Templeton, The Sunday Times 06.12.2015
[5] Police agreed to shield child sex case bishop. Jonathan Corke & James Gillespie, The Sunday Times 10.01.2016
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