Thursday, 29 January 2009

THE STING or The Story Of How Gordon McCabe Shot Himself In The Foot




This Is The Story Of How Gordon McCabe Shot Himself In The Foot In Front Of An Audience That Included A Dutchman, An Elberry, A Kindly Cynic, And One Selena Dreamy Who Reported The Matter To The Relevant Authorities.

Having long had serious doubts about my own identity, Gordon's feat might have been be a simple trick, embellished by second sight and wishful thinking, perhaps, but somehow I always knew that someone like Dr McCabe would come along and sort it out. I am, indeed, a close observer of this Doctor of
Philosophy - who I'm acquainted with professionally and fond of personally - and even though Gordon's actual findings were preliminary and had not been subject to peer review he went ahead and published them.

"I formed the suspicion long ago that Selena was male. In fact, my suspicion was quite specific: I guessed that Selena was Dr David Oderberg, from the Philosophy
Department at the University of Reading."
(Gordon McCabe)

This was undoubtedly an incriminating statement! And as such, accordingly, I needed to declare an interest. I'm not acquainted with Dr Oderberg, and for all I know he may well be Miss Selena Dreamy, or a kind of quantum-Doppelgänger. But that would be to place the theory before the
evidence, and as theories are themselves based upon evidence, they must always
be open to amendment in the light of new or conflicting information. And since,
precisely on the information available - I myself inclined to a different view,
I sent Prof. Oderberg an email:

"I'm not certain, Sir. But I think I stumbled across something at the
Comment Section of
http://elberry.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/the-overman-conspiracy/ that you were not supposed to see. Come and share this bit of gossip:"



The die was cast, and for Dr Gordon McCabe nothing would ever be
the same again. Indeed, if this has ruined your day, Gordon, don't be
disconcerted. I want to apologize for the wicked Prof Sonderberg. The punishment
inflicted upon you has been severe, if not inhuman. At the same time, of course,
the comparison constitutes an unbearable insult to my own person, needless to
say. Indeed, as a philosopher, he has, it seems to me, an altogether
unsophisticated relationship with anger. And perhaps, at least in retrospect,
that is his chief transgression:

"Hello, thank you for this email and for drawing this bit of stupidity
to my attention.
Gordon, how dare you post such a ridiculous piece of
speculation. I have no connection whatsoever with any of this.
I demand an immediate retraction on this blog, with apologies.
Next time you are inclined to speculate about who people are, you might consider asking them first so as to corroborate your fanciful hypothesis."
Prof. David Oderberg
University of
Reading

Then came the problematic part: and, here, predictably enough, is
Gordon on his way to do penance:

"David has asked me to retract my hypothesis, and I’m more than happy
to, and apologise for identifying him with Selena Dreamy."
(Gordon McCabe)


By means of that extreme simplification, two mock-philosophers
managed to sidestep all the elegant solutions associated with that noble
discipline. Truth to tell, for someone used to the exercise of reason and the
concept of philosophy as a search for intellectual salvation, it is all very
strange and alarming. Indeed, there is a lesson here. Philosophy - and surely
that is a point upon which all sides can agree - is an ancient art, the
essential foundation of all other inquiries, the generator of higher thought,
and based on the idea that human existence may be alleviated through rationality
and mutual understanding.

I know that's all relative, but frankly, contemporary philosophers are
a fearful jest upon a fearful age, if I might be allowed this freedom to express
myself. And just so you won't look a dupe, Gordon, when next divining an
identity, I'd like to clear up a common misconception: A pseudonymous identity
is not the same as a false identity. It is the work of the devil. A transgression peculiar to the Internet age, replete with everything that makes the cyber sphere, and the vast opportunities it creates for ethical and professional deception, such a virtual torment.

In a word, a loony bin!

But what I meant to be saying before I was so enticed by one of my multiple personas - troublesome little trolls - is, that as an American subject, I respectfully decline to answer any
further questions concerning my gender or identity by virtue of my
constitutional privilege under the Fifth Amendment!






Dreamy (Miss!)





PS.: for all other enquiries, please refer to my gynaecologist!

18 comments:

strombombolino said...

Okay, Miss Dreamy, I think it's safe to say your little troll hit someone severely in the gut. But, on a different tack, whatever happened to Vanessa Wilde? You mention her in Chapter Two. She used to have a cracking column in Style mag., up to around July 2005. Very similar. Is she a friend of yours....just curious?

Selena Dreamy said...

Nice try. Just call me Dreamy...

strombombolino said...

Come on, Dreamy, I swear you can trust me. Honest!

percy stilton said...

Your thoughts on these fake philosophers puts me in mind of the first line of one of my favorite poems...written by my self...

" Piss-poor poets of a phaded- philosophy,
Wordsmith-wankers writing words of hyper-hypocrisy,
Polluted politicians spinning, spinning spin,
Sickly celebrities celebrating sinical sin,
To the children......

The poem goes on & on, so I won't bore you with more, but thepoint I am trying to make is ...a poet is worth a thousand phaded-philosophers...and more.
Put your faith in poetry, Selena Dreamy,for it is the art of philosophy, and forget the fake philosophers....you are whatever you want to be....that is the reality of phantasy & poetry.

percy stilton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
percy stilton said...

Miss Dreamy....if you would like to review my Poetry...then send a pair of your best cotton panties to me, Percy...and I will be only too pleased to let you see more of me

Selena Dreamy said...

Get right to the point, don't you, Percy?

I'm afraid you will never make a poet out of me. I remain what I have always been, an accomplished liar...Indeed, my error was to assume that the likelihood of human redemption ever existed...

D.

percy stilton said...

Dear Miss Dreamy, please visit my blog to see my last post...I promise I posted it before reading your reply...I do not lie.
It is poetry in motion

mutleythedog said...

I have made it quite clear that I am in fact Dr. David Oderberg - Ms Dreamy - I spend my time philosphicking at the Uni in Reading. I mostly frequent the student bars, where I like to dispense advice on 'free love' to impressionable teenagers. I have no ide why litte Gordon would think I was you... really the whole thing is intolerable..

Selena Dreamy said...

We may be in the midst of a cover-up, Mutley!

mutleythedog said...

Indeed! Conspiracy theories explain ALMOST everything... but only almost. It makes you wonder who is behind the conspiracy theorists doesn't it?

Crushed said...

I'm actually a call girl from Brighton caled Svedlana.

Seriously, I think there is nothing more despicable than people who can't observe basical social niceties on the blogosphere.

One of which surely, is preserving the right of people to anonymity.

Crushed said...

I'm actually a call girl from Brighton caled Svedlana.

Seriously, I think there is nothing more despicable than people who can't observe basical social niceties on the blogosphere.

One of which surely, is preserving the right of people to anonymity.

Selena Dreamy said...

"I'm actually a call girl from Brighton caled Svedlana"


We must meet. How long will you be in town?

percy stilton said...

I will be parking on my favorite bench, on top of Parliament Hill, at 12 noon today. If you & Svedlana are up for a threesome, Selena, meet me there. We can find a quiet place under a tree to discuss philosophy, freedom and fornication .
I will supply the sandwiches.
Peace & Light
Sir Percy

Selena Dreamy said...

....and while you're waiting on your favourite bench, Percy, on top of Parliament Hill, you might wish to take a closer look at this:
SYNCHRONICITY

sir percy said...

Selena, you call it synchronicity...I call it pychic poetry but whatever it is it does not surprise me.
By the way, my poem on piss poor poets & wordsmith wankers was written whilst I was sitting on top of Parliament Hill whiling away the day with my mate Blake.

Bob said...

I would put it that you shot him in the foot. Personally I assumed that he did not mean it seriously.

What matters is that you yourself know who you are, you do, don't you?