Saturday, 1 October 2016

The Tale of the Pregnant Male

CONTENT WARNINGThe following is the unedited version of an exposé currently featured in the 18th revised edition of The Moonshine Memorandum (see below).  If you wish to report intrusiveness, sexism or inaccuracies, please email . To make a formal complaint under IPSO rules, please contact IPSO directly at . 

Next, a leading headmistress[1] called on retailers to stop selling gender-biased goods and pointed to 
the importance of gender-neutral parenting. A top private school plans gender neutral uniforms among a surge in trans children. Clinicians, at the same time, report on mounting levels of depression and a contagious tendency to contemplate the most effective way to commit suicide.[2] You can guess where this is going. Put yourself at the head of the ideas of your time, like Caitlyn Jenner, a disturbed celebrity-addict entering her second infancy, and these ideas will follow and enhance you. Left alone and at the mercy of your demons, that is all it takes to kill. And an embarrassing proportion of potentially delinquent professionals in thrall to the transgender cultural movement, the emperor's new clothes, permit themselves to be passively complicit in this gender holocaust. This bright,enlightened dawn, in which gender will permitted to be fabricated rather than genetic, and children relieved of the tedious requirement to make up their own minds, their last protective stronghold, by the NHS which will boost their hormones or cut off their penises –  a tiny part of the transvestite myth.

But there were also howls of outrage from  the Culture and Family representatives of Concerned Women for America who insisted  the contemporary push for gender equality had gone too far with the massive emergence of males intending to become pregnant.[3] Unsurprisingly, feminists concurred. Average cost of an IVF cycle, they claimed, was some £ 5000, and the push for gender equality had already broken its bounds with the “significant and potentially subversive rise” of males wishing to live as women, be given hormone treatment, and – I’m reliably told - breastfeed their babies. Which is what is known as the triumph of hope over
            Nor does hope offer any ready or constructive answers, except perhaps, that it denies the gender distinction. In fact, while the PC invigilators decline to accept on ideological grounds the existence of two separate sexual identities, and consider that gender roles are “arbitrary and acculturated,”  gender is being  reduced to  a mere social construct developed under an overbearing patriarchal system of arbitration.[4]  Consequently, while “females scored significantly higher on social interactions and physical contact,”  according to scientists studying the social skills of dogs, official forms and administrative databases for humans now permit the use of the gender-neutral honorific ‘Mx’ – I believe the technical term is ‘non-binary’ -  as a way of sidestepping the perceived sexism of the more traditional ‘Mrs’, ‘Miss’, ‘Ms’, or ‘Mr’.  
 And there you have it, our choice of gender defines us. We see attempts to create a unipolar species, when it is upon the principle of ‘polarity’ that human nature evolved. Merging genders suffocates the procreative drive, as indeed, it is this polarity rather than the ‘uncertainty’ scenario which most aptly characterizes the physics of electricity and magnetism. No such analogy is literal, but consider that in both the Germanic and Romanic languages the semantic association of nouns with gender  is  an innately organic thing.  Two very different yet compatible engines for the selective functions of male and female; and two very different interpretations, indeed, of the fundamental polarity of the human mind or the elementary symbols it employs in its respective archetypal categories. For to point out that ‘reason’ – die Vernunft, la raison – is grammatically feminine, is only to state its particular semantic chemistry. But no analysis of this correlation can ignore - as everyone does - the rise in teenage suicides resulting from the extraordinary forbidding power and charisma of the ‘unipolar’ revolution, to say nothing of  the grinding, lonesome, unforgiving pointlessness of it.
No progress, as yet, on interspecies marriage, which is regrettable, because  bitches clearly have the upper hand when it comes to social skills. But while this charade is being played out in Parliament and the highest offices of state,  Honourable Members may soon be granted breast-feeding rooms during long committee hearings - not to mention sperm-donor facilities for men queuing in the lobbies to vote.[5]

            I am not sure about the sperm-donor angle, either spiritually or demographically, but it does come as a relief to know that MoD police officers  have been banned from carrying Heckler & Koch sub-machineguns while transitioning from male to female.[6] In fact,  in addition to developing a set of gender sensitive reforms, the Commons are also said to consider granting titles to the civil partners of homosexual knights. It is difficult to remain unmoved. There are many things to be said about the British Parliament, but a dearth of generosity is not among them.

[1] Jo Heywood, head of the exclusive Heathfield boarding school in Ascot.
[2] Every 20 minutes a British youngster tries to die.
[3] The possibility of male pregnancy was first raided in 1986, in the now defunct publication New Society.
[4] “I am a fully paid-up feminist. I believe in the equality of the sexes. But I do not believe in the identity of the sexes.” Niall Ferguson, Laurence A Tisch professor of history at Harvard, and a senior fellow of the Hoover Institution, Stanford.
[5] According to projections by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa), MPs will be given generous leave by the Pay and Expenses Watchdog to claim about £ 200 per head compensation for ‘exertions involved’ in donating the  200m to 300m spermatozoa normally discharged in a single ejaculation.
[6] Payout for transgender MoD police officer stripped of gun. Mark Hookham, The Sunday Times 08.11.15
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