Saturday, 1 October 2016

The Tale of the Pregnant Male

The following is the unedited version of an exposé currently featured in the 25th revised edition of Malleus Maleficus'  [title withheld]. If you wish to report homophobia, sexism or inaccuracies, please email  To make a formal complaint under IPSO rules please contact IPSO directly at .  

Next, a leading headmistress[1] called on retailers to stop selling gender-biased goods and pointed to the importance of gender-neutral parenting. A top private school plans gender neutral uniforms among a surge in trans children. Clinicians, at the same time, report on mounting levels of depression and a contagious tendency to contemplate the most effective way to commit suicide.[2] You can guess where this is going. Put yourself at the head of the ideas of your time, like Caitlyn Jenner, a disturbed celebrity-addict entering his second infancy, and these ideas will follow and enhance you. Left alone and at the mercy of your demons, that is all it takes to kill. Simply put, the world of education is perverted by the gender thought police. By an embarrassing proportion of potentially delinquent professionals in thrall to the idea that identity trumps biology. Professionals who are not only guilty of triggering an epidemic of suicide, but of celebrating the precise mutations that produce the distorted gene.What they chose to ignore is the fact that increasing numbers of teenagers have hormone-disrupting chemicals in their bodies, gender-bending contaminants from the plastics industry that mimic the female sex hormone oestrogen. Indeed, it seems hard to overstate the potential impact of the man-made pollutants, if humans are exposed to even a fraction of the “gender-bending” toxins such as polychlorinated byphenyls (PCBs) that built up in the food chain of “transitioning” polar bears in Norway and Greenland for instance. The verdict is damning. Sexual identity is not a matter of choice. Yet, treated almost as a pet condition that applies more or less exclusively to Western countries, this whole genderqueer, genderflux, pangender, bigender, intergender business has become socially, culturally and communally fashionable, and thus almost stylishly up-to-date. This bright,enlightened dawn, in which gender will permitted to be fabricated rather than biological, and children relieved of the tedious requirement to make up their own minds, their last protective stronghold, by the NHS which is actively complicit in this gender holocaust,  boosting their hormones or cutting off their penises –  a tiny part of the transgender myth.

But there were also howls of outrage from  the Culture and Family representatives of Concerned Women for America who insisted  the contemporary push for gender equality had gone too far with the massive emergence of males intending to become pregnant.[3] Unsurprisingly, feminists concurred. Average cost of an IVF cycle, they claimed, was some £ 5000, and the push for gender equality had already broken its bounds with the “significant and potentially subversive rise” of males wishing to live as women, be given hormone treatment, and – I’m reliably told - breastfeed their babies. Which is what is known as the triumph of hope over
            Nor does hope offer any ready or constructive answers, except perhaps, that it denies the gender distinction. In fact, while the PC invigilators decline to accept on ideological grounds the existence of two separate sexual identities, and consider that gender roles are “arbitrary and acculturated,”  gender is being  reduced to  a mere social construct developed under an overbearing patriarchal system of arbitration.[4]  Consequently, while “females scored significantly higher on social interactions and physical contact,”  according to scientists studying the social skills of dogs, official forms and administrative databases for humans now permit the use of the gender-neutral honorific ‘Mx’ – I believe the technical term is ‘non-binary’ -  as a way of sidestepping the perceived sexism of the more traditional ‘Mrs’, ‘Miss’, ‘Ms’, or ‘Mr’.  
            And there you have it, our choice of gender defines us. We see attempts to create a unipolar species, when it is upon the principle of ‘polarity’ that human nature evolved. For one of the most terrible threats to our bipolar species is the rise of the mutant gene. As the TigerMother author and Harvard lawyer Amy Chua poignantly observed: “Facebook now lists more than 50 gender designations from which users can choose, from genderqueer to intersex to pangender.”  This is hyperbole, but it underscores current reservations about a development which seems well beyond genetic control. Merging genders suffocates the procreative drive, as indeed, it is this polarity rather than the ‘uncertainty’ scenario which most aptly
characterizes the physics of electricity and magnetism. No such analogy is literal, but consider that in both the Germanic and Romanic languages the semantic association of nouns with gender  is  an innately organic thing. For to point out that ‘reason’ – die Vernunft, la raison – is grammatically feminine, is only to state its particular semantic chemistry. But no analysis of this correlation can ignore - as everyone does - the rise in gender dysphoria resulting from the extraordinary forbidding power and charisma of the ‘gender-fluid’ revolution, to say nothing of  the grinding, lonesome, unforgiving pointlessness of it.
No progress, as yet, on interspecies marriage, which is regrettable, because  bitches clearly have the upper hand when it comes to social skills. But while this charade is being played out in Parliament and the highest offices of state,  Honourable Members may soon be granted breast-feeding rooms during long committee hearings - not to mention sperm-donor facilities for men queuing in the lobbies to vote.[5]

            I am not sure about the sperm-donor angle, either politically or demographically, but it does come as a relief to know that MoD police officers  have been banned from carrying Heckler & Koch sub-machineguns while transitioning from male to female.[6] In fact,  ,  in addition to endorsing gender sensitive “crying rooms” for menopausal WPCs, the Commons are also said to consider granting titles to the civil partners of homosexual knights. It is difficult to remain unmoved. There are many things to be said about the British Parliament, but a dearth of generosity is not among them.

[1] Jo Heywood, head of the exclusive Heathfield boarding school in Ascot.
[2] Every 20 minutes a British youngster tries to die.
[3] The possibility of male pregnancy was first raided in 1986, in the now defunct publication New Society.
[4] “I am a fully paid-up feminist. I believe in the equality of the sexes. But I do not believe in the identity of the sexes.” Niall Ferguson, Laurence A Tisch professor of history at Harvard, and a senior fellow of the Hoover Institution, Stanford.
[5] According to projections by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa), MPs will be given generous leave by the Pay and Expenses Watchdog to claim about £ 200 per head compensation for ‘exertions involved’ in donating the  200m to 300m spermatozoa normally discharged in a single ejaculation.
[6] Payout for transgender MoD police officer stripped of gun. Mark Hookham, The Sunday Times 08.11.15

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