Wednesday, 19 March 2008


Today I cleaned my mouse. You know, as you do.

I held it under the bathroom faucet and scrubbed it thoroughly. Dirty little mouse! I subsequently applied the hairdryer to it - lovingly, like you would with a proper furry mouse, and - having put it to every possible purpose except the one for which it was intended - proceeded to pluck it back into my PC.

The next thing I knew, my mouse was dead! The effect had been such that it all but lost the will to function.

So, in the failing light of the late afternoon, I drove all the way past Oakwood to the nearest PC-World, and acquired a new one. This one has a red light under its belly, and it is called “Optical Mouse.“ Everything about it is perfect. And so obedient. It even has a little wheel, topside unfortunately. Though I would lay a considerable wager that it has a secret purpose. And just so I won't look a fool when next dining with Bill Gates, I proceeded to study the Microsoft Product Guide about getting the mouse started - though, quite frankly, I found it a good deal harder even than the insufferable wretchedness of reading Joyce’s Ulysses.

Product guides are the work of the devil!

The man in PC World was extremely charming. He strongly advised me never to bathe my mouse. But never once was he judgemental of my idiosyncratic behaviour. If he was, he pretended not to. Nor was he in any way insinuating that nothing was worth the grief of having to deal with the likes of me. Though he did mention that females were very special creatures.

“I see,“ I said. Not seeing at all!

The customer next to me put his glasses on. I think he liked my cleavage. I have no problem with that.

Poor dead mouse!

I should get over this. But I can't help but think that luck has many faces - and some of them ugly.



Jonathan said...

Such mice are used to being pushed and prodded about, always in an accessory move to attention placed elsewhere. Your mouse must have died of a heart attack at the amount of love and attention it was getting.

Lucky man, regarding the cleavage..

and so good of him to have honoured you with the desire to see clearly.

Anonymous said...

The best thing to do with a wet mouse is stick it in the microwave for about ten minutes... this clears out all the damp and brings it back to life!

Selena Dreamy said...

The microwave, Mutley?

It just shows how far I'm out of my depth in the complex simplicity of electronic gadetry...

Selena Dreamy said...

Indeed, Jonathan, I thought I was kind of middle-aged, so I'm pleased to have been honoured with the gentleman's desire to see me more clearly...fact is, I think he was glad to see me!

Mu Tai Dong said...

Thats crazy - mouse eEXPLODES in micriowave!! You so sexy maybe share nudes photos by me and my blogfgggg??

Selena Dreamy said...

Share nude photos?

For a kick-off, Mu Tai, I hate football. Second, the chances of you turning into a rent-boy are bigger...