Saturday, 9 April 2016

Daddy loves to hatefuck me...!

CONTENT WARNING: The following is the edited version of an exposé currently featured in the 23rd revised edition of Malleus Maleficus' [title withheld]. If you wish to report intrusiveness, sexism or inaccuracies, please email . To make a formal complaint under IPSO rules please contact IPSO directly at . 
    Dealing with celebrities straight out of Hollywood demands communion with more than your fair share of obsessives and delusionals. “I will work on this for as long as I’m alive,” Angelina fussed, pledging  action to protect women and children from sex attacks in war. Which is an interesting but ultimately futile delusion. The PM’s Special
"St Angelina of Perpetual Self-Promotion
is here to save you..."
Representative on Preventing Sexual Violence in Conflict, too, was wondering how to end rape and sexual violence (which is useful to know if you’re planning a “booze cruise” to Magaluf at any time).
For his part,  the Archbishop of Canterbury, could only mumble an expression His Grace had picked up in the oil industry, “that rape and sexual violence is absolutely unacceptable and will result in consequences.” What consequences I leave to your own reflection. VD, mental collapse, suicide, alcoholism readily come to mind. But no one here, it seems, remembered, that rape as a weapon of war has historically been the ruthlessly contemporary means of replenishing the diminished population. A circumstance remarkable chiefly for its oversight. US Secretary of State John Kerry further pleasured the Assembly with a “critical mission” to fight sexual violence in conflicts, and purposefully reminded everyone that “Acts of sexual violence demean our collective humanity” Nor did being chained, hooded, water-boarded and
Casting couch culture...!
subjected to mental abuse or indeed hard-core pornography, appear to conflict with his own highly specialised definition of what demeans humanity. Consequently, the right to degeneracy continues to be treated as  a  matter of civil liberty,  with no apparent sense that the West is raging against sexual violence abroad  in order to avoid confronting debauchery at home.

            “A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy,” said Mukesh Singh, who is now appealing his death sentence.[1] And frankly, I'm torn on that one. Setting terrorism aside, sexual violence will be the biggest policing challenge of the 21st century. Indeed, perhaps the  single strangest social fact about the modern world is the astounding pace of the increase in the pursuit of sexual gratification. Sex is the first and the final frontier. All pleasures simmer down to sex. We shall never reach the end of our rainbow of  startling, unpredictable variations and weirdly half-baked ways of doing it.  When life is cleansed and sanitized of all its oratory and inanity, what is left is fornication. If the purpose of the human community is the security of the family, then its governments and constitutions are meant to facilitate, pledge and promise procreation.  Procreation is a universal requirement; a need as fundamental, as inevitable, to the support of human life as nourishment,  liquid, solid  or otherwise. The focus on sex, its compulsive consummation, availability and occurrence are so intimate, so personal to our understanding of how we function,  that no one could possibly hold forth or dogmatise about it as an outside observer. My own understanding, based on the experience I’ve gleaned over a lifetime of sensual, self-seeking, voyeuristic and orgasmic consummation, is that fornication is the ultimate release.  When you are given the opportunity,  you grasp at it predatorily. It is  a prehistoric, pre-semantic act of entitlement. The lure of it on the minds of the suceptible is impossible to exaggerate, as is its furtive taboo and the compulsive opportunism of its consummation. For the one true and personal reality about life is that the best sex anyone has ever had is the sex they weren't supposed to have had. 
It was never like that on Blind Date!

No verdict, on the other hand, seems to be delivered on a fundamentally erotomaniac age in which fulfilment not only falls far short of promise but in which every single day thousands ‘maddened by sex’ become the victim of situations which must inevitably put them at cross purposes with the law.[2]  But Bra-Busters-of-Britain, a site, intending to ignite a mature intelligent discussion about sex in Britain today, and “one that could help society address its addiction to mindless porn,” had no such compunction. To coincide with Mouth Cancer Action Month,[3] their display included three naked people having their pictures taken and a giant screen above the podium flashing up-to-the-minute viewing of cunnilingus, deep-throat, anal, incest, teenage violation and “Daddy loves to hatefuck me” - which is about as far as the contemporary vocabulary of pornographic licence can legally take us.[4] You could also buy fetish gear such as French maids outfits and “slut panties for bad girls”. After which I felt I had a purpose. Paedophile attendance was prohibited. So were Rolf Harris, Max Clifford, Dave Lee Travis and  Professor John Ashton CBE, president of the Faculty of Public Health, who had urged ‘reluctant parents’ to inform their 3-year-olds about the secrets of sex.[5] Which seems a rather desperate resort,  but new figures released from 24 police forces show that, since 2012, 425 people have been accused of carrying out sexual attacks at UK boarding schools. More subtly, and much inclined to talk of Divine Will, His Holiness the Pope also wanted to ban Peter Ball, former Bishop of Gloucester, but letters written in support of Ball ("Why don't we masturbate in front of each other?") - so The Sunday Times[6] helpfully tells me - by two archbishops, a bishop, a High Court judge, two MPs, three head teachers and two chaplains of leading public schools, suggested that Balls was clinically depressed and that it was not unreasonable to assume his love for Little Brothers of Christ was grounded in duty and dedication rather than passion.

[1] One of five men convicted of the 2012 rape and murder of a young student in India.
[2] SEX MOB SPARKS REVOLT AGAINST MAMA MERKEL The Sunday Times 10.01.16 “I had never seen so many aggressive men face to face - they were just taking it in turns to grab at my breasts”
[3] Human papilloma virus (HPV) passed through oral sex could soon overtake smoking to become the leading cause of mouth cancer among men and women. The majority of anal cancers are caused by the same virus, usually passed between people during sexual activity.
[4] There are now an estimated 100m images of children being abused in circulation, compared with some 7,000 in 1990.
[5] Tell 3-year-olds about sex, urges health chief. Sarah-Kate Templeton, The Sunday Times 06.12.2015
[6] Police agreed to shield child sex case bishop. Jonathan Corke & James Gillespie, The Sunday Times 10.01.2016



Christina F. Klein said...

Everyone agrees, worldwide demand for sex is going up,up, up - when in fact the best sex anyone ever gets is the sex they aren’t supposed to have. Go figure. Catch 22!

Carol. F.L. said...

WOW - I had to laugh, really, I think this is sooo neat, it kind of erm... hits 'the spot' if you know what I mean. In a word, totally appropriate!

D.C. said...

Indeed, a very worthwhile morality tale, and so very "credible and true" ...erm...Mr/Mrs Malleus Maleficus, or how do you do? Kudos!