Wednesday, 20 July 2016


The following is the unedited version of an exposé currently featured in the 20th revised edition of Malleus Maleficus'  [title withheld]. If you wish to report intrusiveness, racism or inaccuracies, please email  To make a formal complaint under IPSO rules please contact IPSO directly at
  Some forms of idiocy are circumstantial perhaps, but considerable nevertheless. Global demographic conditions and domestic Ponzi capitalism simply do not mix. Both sides are trapped in a deadly cycle of contraceptive culling. Nor is the phenomenon limited to the USA. Indigenous European fertility rates are  well below the level needed to replace an ageing population. Which doesn’t mean shit to the planet, folks. What it means is more open borders and massive immigration. 
Indeed, as we advance the technology for killing human beings, the political schizophrenia towards demographic growth is never more apparent than in the tendency of national governments to offer bigger tax incentives for larger families, while at the same time paying lip service to UN inducements for reducing the world’s populations. And I very much doubt that we will see peace in our time unless that penchant is abolished. 
            I almost weary of writing this, but when all is said and done, family tax incentives are the origin of the problem, not the basis for a solution. A full discussion is impossible here, but as just another example of parliamentary largesse the British government is to sanction fatherless families by giving single women and lesbian couples an
entitlement to fertility treatment. Users will be invited to search an online database and find an anonymous donor “on the basis of ethnicity, height, profession and hobbies.” Of course, privately funded British females can also select a sperm donor to father their child by using a mobile phone app. This is perverse, but it meets the requirements of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) and has been approved by the IVF Regulator. So far as distorting the norms of the judicial equality process is concerned, single women will now be relieved of the tedious biological requirement to create their own babies, while single men are encouraged to jerk off. Which means their only connection to the natural order of things is the refusal to take part in it. Or, according to the campaign group Comment on Reproductive Ethics: "This is the ultimate denigration of fatherhood." 
         To put the matter euphemistically, "it is hoped that about 1,000 donors will be recruited over the next three years. The aim is we will have enough surplus sperm…to synchronize  a service for people [such as] single women and same sex couples”. Something akin, then, to the type of synchronization developed by the Dutch aviator Fokker, who pioneered a system that enabled his machine gun to fire between the propeller blades. Uh-uh. So a practiced lecher with a surplus of sperm, who fantasizes about the flesh of young girls in a public cubicle, can find his pleasure jerking off into a paper cup without getting the kick in the balls he deserves. The less aspiring a jerk, the meaner the seed. And blow me if I didn't feel duty-bound to address what might be done to stop this runaway train hitting a brick wall with ever increasing velocity in 
what people in demographics like to call the population explosion.  For what we really do not want to do is boost the world’s population at one end while encouraging 'contraceptive Malthusian enforcers' to place IEDs at the other. And don’t even get me started on “Rented uteruses or semen chosen from a catalogue” - so observed by Dolce & Gabbana during a famous controversy.[1] For the fact is, that gay British men can pay privately to create a child of their chosen sex on an IVF program for two-father  families. What is most startling, however, is that women having sex changes on the NHS are being given free fertility treatment so they can have babies after they become men.  Clearly a case of having-your-cake-and-eating it. Plus it is worth bearing in mind, that an increasing numbers of perfectly healthy young women are freezing their eggs for subsequent conception. What's more, the UK's largest chain of IVF clinics is in talk with companies to offer egg-freezing as a perk for female employees. Even worse, others are selling them. And not only that. There are government plans to change the law to allow “three parent embryos” to be produced with genetic material from two mothers, while a form of IVF called “shared motherhood” involves two women in the birth of one child. Meanwhile, it is another aspect of babies with Down syndrome’s calamity that the general Synod of the Church of England concluded the debate on the introduction of non-invasive prenatal testing (NIPT) with a motion on promoting their life of misfortune on earth And here’s the really bad news: London clinics are reporting fresh inquiries from menopausal women wishing to became mothers. Which may explain why births to over-50s have risen 55% as fertility clinics relax rules on treating older women.
            The baby boom has become a binge!
            One of which the full tragedy has yet to be  understood. Which is to say, that we are living through the last moments of a golden age. For the truth of the matter is that, in the words of an unproven hypothesis, “almost every problem we have – be it man-made global warming, poverty, starvation or the threat of biodiversity – could be alleviated if our population was lower, or at least not destined to rise, almost exponentially.” And with one million net added per working week, you can easily do the math. Indeed, the massive cullingof humans is not a  conjectural prospect. It’s a mathematical certainty. To give you a sense of the balance-sheet, while Europe relies heavily on immigrants for
economic growth, there are more than 11 million abandoned children in India, where a growing number of newborn babies are being dumped anonymously.  China -   and I take this as an ‘economic’ necessity - executes more than 10,000 people a year.[2] Which is roughly the number killed by gun-violence in the USA. In fact, the Chinese government has only recently moved away from 36 years of a gender-imbalanced one-child policy and awards economic disincentives instead. And not just disincentives, but forced abortions, mandatory sterilisations, and humiliating inspections to ensure women are using contraceptive devices. Babies are snuffed out. Or abandoned at birth on rubbish heaps, doorsteps, bus stops, railway stations and hospitals. And while the discarded corpses of the dead are removed at dawn with no particular emotion, IVF treatment is allowed only under a special licence and surrogacy against the law.
            “For obvious historical and humanitarian reasons,” the British representative said, these
targets never had any real force or following in the United Kingdom, but it had been a good year for sperm donors. Nor did that mean he was joking. Some things simply don’t translate well into English. Assisted by a manfully restrained irritation,  there was, if you ask me, a touch of unworldliness about the man. In short, if you still think all this is going to be squared by the end of this century, dream on. My guess is that, by 2050, human bodies are simply starting to pile up. Indeed, one radical prediction is for “water cremation,” whereby a machine is used to liquefy corpses, so that your loved ones, instead of being cremated, let alone buried in the village churchyard, are in effect flushed down the drain. Ah well, that’s working out just dandy then, isn’t it...?
"My dad is a registered  wanker....."

[1] As told to Italy’s Panorama magazine  “We oppose gay adoptions. The only family is the traditional one. No chemical offsprings and rented uterus: life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed.”
[2] China executes more people than the rest of the world combined. 46 different offences carry capital punishment.


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