Tuesday, 3 June 2008


"Max Mosley is to remain in office as president of the
FIA after comfortably winning today’s vote of confidence in Paris. Following a
two-hour discussion, during which frank views were exchanged regarding the
68-year-old, Mosley was understood to be delighted after the result was
announced at the FIA headquarters."

Encouraged by suggestions that bodies such as the FIA are increasingly less inclined to discriminate against working girls, I telephoned Dr Max von Moseley - henceforth to be known in this confessions as "Spanky" - at his office to arrange for an interview.

“I don‘t do interviews,” Spanky said sullenly. There is nothing to tell."

What about the Nazi insignia? I demanded to know.

“That scenario,” he said, was “pure fantasy. But I love it when a woman touches herself...”

“Ok,” I said, shifting a hand up my crotch, “lets run with that...“ And owing to the fact that such proclivities seem, in my own experience, to be applicable quite generally to male behaviour, did I need any more evidence that this man was, to say the least, a totally regular?

"Come to my dungeon,“ I purred. “I haff vays and meens off making you talk...”

“I can't,“ he huffed. “You may be wired!“'

“You may frisk me.” I said amiably. I could afford to be generous, I was going to charge him by the hour.
Spanky needed no further encouragement!

A mere 15 minutes later, outside a Gentlemen’s lavatory, I might have been back walking the streets. And Spanky stood there as if he was about to salute, bloodied but essentially unbowed. He was also, I was about to find out, inordinately partial to German.

‘Es lebe das heilige Vaterland!’ he said, casting apprehensive, inquisitive glances all around, ‘Der Sieg wird unser sein!’
But when I formally put it to him that the FIA had reasonable grounds for suspecting that he was, or might be, a person who facilitated the commission of acts of lewd perversion, Spanky’s chilling reply came to the effect that all human beings were hypocrites. “Look, I'm not asking for exoneration - I just don't see why I should get any less out of being beaten up than some schmuck like Bernie Ecclestone.”

“A regular henpecked saint!” I threw in.

“Nothing less than first cousin to an ape,” Spanky replied.

“The pursuit of happiness is contained in primary legislation and the FIA have no powers to vary its provision,“ he then suggested, adding perilously, “proving that the wronged party has a reputation that can be damaged is an important part of any libel action.”

I volunteered no advice.

But he would continue to reject the claim of particular individuals that, in accordance with protocol, the working girls had been awarded the Knight's Cross with Oak Leaves, Swords and Diamonds. It was the Führer they admired - drawn by some mysterious need of their own - only the Führer, and not some functionary of the FIA or lesser motoring association.

“I think the forthcoming trial offers the best opportunity to clear that up.” I suggested.

Spanky was dismissive. “Every man has a basic right to fight in defence of his own happiness.“

You and I, of course, would assume that the working ladies who were present that night, were just assisting him in the pursuit of his happiness, but the News of the World remembers that they had doubtful political convictions in these matters. And while I'm still iffy about duplicitous hypocrites, and definitely a convert to freedom of sexual expression, I defer to no one in my contempt and suspicion of anyone condoning clandestine stings!

Trust me on this. We can't have a situation where some individuals are given positions they're just no qualified to hold - as in our national government - while those who are eminently qualified are not allowed to have a private life - that's totally out of order...!



Richard Madeley said...

"You may be wired!"

Surely, that's the sort of thing he's into, isn't it?

Every generation needs their Frank Bough and Spanky is everything we could wish from a mad old bat with a taste for the exotic. Not sure what his father would have made of it, though.

Selena Dreamy said...

Sexual profligacy is an attribute which defines its possessor's life. Mosley’s old man always kept a trained, disciplined and uniformed force of stewards to keep the peace at public meetings.

Love of discipline, it seems, is a Mosley family trait...

Richard Madeley said...

As always, Selena, you're most informative. I didn't realise half of this.

So what you're saying is that if Mosley Senior had won the day, we'd now be living in a country ruled by a whip-cracking elite, such as we see in 'Planet of the Apes', but instead of gibbons, they'd be leather-clad Valkyries in suspenders and heavy make-up?

(Calm yourself Madeley...)

Selena Dreamy said...

"Wow", Richard, and I mean it!

(I'm so glad you're a liberal...!)

Anonymous said...

Eine Reich, Eine Volke Eine Formula One!!

I think you two are the same person. Really do you have nothing better to do?

Selena Dreamy said...

Mutley, you flatter me!

P.S.What are you doing tonite, hon...?

Anonymous said...

Flirting with girls on line... what about you?