Saturday, 4 June 2016

TIM HUNT: "Let me tell you about my trouble with girls..."

The following is the unedited version of an exposé currently featured in the 21st revised edition of Malleus Maleficus'  [title withheld]. Ensuring  that the party concerned has a reputation that can be tested is an important part of any satirical undertaking. If you wish to report intrusiveness, extremism or inaccuracies, please email  To make a formal complaint under IPSO rules please contact IPSO directly at .    

   They had come not to join, but “to hurl abuse”, tweeted David Colquhoun, Pharmacologist and blogger, always alert to the presence of malevolent shape-shifting
trolls pretending to be friendly extraterrestrials. Looking for all the world like a pantomime villain, the  former chair of Pharmacology at UCL – and accidental comedian - also reaffirmed his widely sanctioned condemnation of laureate chauvinist Sir Tim Hunt, notorious for laddish salaciousness, love at first sight, and a penchant for just plain misogyny.*
          Clearly, in a revolutionary crisis, it is not truths but agendas that prevail. This case was central to Colquhoun’s development of a theory in which sexual inequality, male chauvinism and feminist hysteria are linked. And to join this select community you must take its one and only vow: you kiss my arse – I kiss yours - we endorse each other. Indeed, when feminists begin to teach a militant orthodoxy, it is a sign that the age of reason is drawing to a close. Some experts see it as a syndrome associated with low self-esteem, others find refuge on the fringes of lunacy. Nor does the misogyny stop there. Indeed, if ever you need to get in touch with your inner
woman, @AstroKatie is your man. Less female, more robot, here is an androgynous, unmaternal shemale, doomed to a fate worse than Tim Hunt’s, upon whose kiss Katie will be undergoing her involuntary womanisation in an explosion of tears, claws, noisy plumbing and no soundproofing – a self-castigatory exhibition so painfully aware of its missing foreskin, that it can only   provide further proof of that womanly abhorrence of the motives of men, that peculiar tearful lucidity which is never duped, of the male’s immortal jingoism. “Rare in my immediate career situation, but when it occurs I get so mad I want to scream” – Katie tweeted, and I would certainly not trust her manhood. Indeed, a mob is only as tough as its leader. Colquhoun, accordingly, hopes to be re-admitted to UCL’s pharmacological faculty, where he’s intending to perform an efficacious amputation of his own penis.

Ouch !

Feedback samples on Twitter:
David Colquhoun‏ @david_colquhoun  
May 30; Replying to @christinafklein @mcarro2 and 3 others: Crude, nasty stuff. Please stop it.

David Colquhoun‏ @david_colquhoun  
May 30; Replying to @DDorothyd @PerturbSecular @Robert_Palgrave: What sort of fun do you get from circulating such poisonous stuff?


*On 10th June 2015, renowned physiologist and Nobel laureate Sir Tim Hunt was forced to resign from his posts at University College London and the European Research Council. His crime? The  perfectly jovial observation that men and women tend to distract one another when working together in laboratories: "Let me tell you about my trouble with girls... three things happen when they are in the lab... you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you and when you criticise them, they cry!"



R.Adelstein said...

Undoubtedly, the belief in their own righteousness has disabled many very capable academics

Marina Mythili said...

The hypocrisy is so perfect it's almost callous. Clearly, Tim Hunt fell victim to a misfit with a perverted sense of mission!!

Anonymous said...

Is English your native language? Apologies if it isn't but this was a torturous read and I'm still unsure what point (if any) you are attempting to make.

Walter Kuslo said...

I don’t know who is the mastermind behind it all, but by any measure, this is an extraordinary rant. There can be no doubt, on the other hand, that Professor Hunt's treatment by UCL has been pathetic to say the least, and damaging to the cause of science.

Harvey M Cohen said...

Who better than a man who unashamedly compares himself with Jonathan Swift to act as a conduct to feminism’s flashiest and brashest idiocies?!