Wednesday, 30 January 2008

THE ELBERRY MEMORANDUM


ELBERRY“Women keep things going, do the cooking, have an eye
for detail, for technicalities. In my experience, cerebral women tend to be very
arrogant and nagging, and often incredibly angry.Probably women find cerebral
men a turn-off because they're interested in practicalities, e.g. how much money
you have, if you can provide for any future children. Alas, cerebral women, who
might circumvent this down-to-earthness, also tend to be insane.The trick is to
wear lots of aftershave and keep grabbing your crotch while talking to them, to
fool them into thinking you're a down-to-earth type of guy.”


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“In my experience, cerebral women tend to be very arrogant and nagging, and often incredibly angry.”


No woman could possibly feel as sad and inferior as I now feel. I castigate myself for being inadequate, conceited, and furious. For Elberry is absolutely right, a woman has to be more than an accident of beauty, magnificence or allure - unlike the male of the species, she has to prove that she is gifted!


Elberry is arguably the finest mind in blog production today, with an aesthete's eye, and I realize that this is a contemptible effort to ingratiate myself with the logkeeper of the Eternally Feminine who details our shortcomings on his unforgiving balance-sheet. But this particular blogger has also taken the racial theories of the French writer Gobineau ( as demonstrated in his Essay on the Inequality of the Human Race), and developed it further, with a call to purity and a restoration of Hellenisms’ first principles, by claiming that the legacy of classical antiquity - Greek art and philosophy, Roman jurisprudence and Christianity - have to be handed down as the "Great White Way," in order to overcome the prevailing post-modern multiculturalism and usher in a new renaissance...

Needless to say, he has his detractors!

My own view is that none of this matters much. I admire his dedication to quality, his dignity, and sense of self. And I totally adore his irascible discourses on life’s absurdities. Some unsuspecting visitors who are not used to being spontaneously accosted can find him unnerving. Admittedly. But he’s nothing if not sharp, quick-witted, and down-to-earth:


“Cerebral women, who might circumvent this down-to-earthness, also tend to be insane.”


What can I say? The man has a way with the truth. On the other hand, that could have been an exaggeration. I never asked, but I appreciate the subtlety. Assiduously careful in his research, while being thoroughly careless at the retail end, Elberry uses every opportunity to catch up on his fellow man. He studies science and literature with the same abiding eagerness that he has applied to a crash courses in transcendental meditation. He is the Faustus of the modern world. His desk is constantly piled with books, paintings, and scripts of one kind or another. Personally, I am weary of Englishmen who read Wittgenstein. They want to screw us with sophistry. The same, of course, has been said of Jesus Christ, himself no stranger to a fast deal or two. But then, at the basis of every great personality is a credible promise. And the next time Elberry beguiles you with the wisdom of Kirkegaard, reflecting a tormented obsession, have a little sympathy; he may simply have forgotten how to have fun...

“The trick is to wear lots of aftershave and keep grabbing your crotch while talking to (women), to fool them into thinking you're a down-to-earth type of guy.”


From which you will now doubt gather, that Elberry and I have never been lovers. On the other hand, I've seen Orang-Utans at the Regents Park Zoo doing this, so I know it's humanly possible.
I just didn't expect it to be such a widely held view.

The questions, then, on every blogger’s mind are the ones that have dogged the UK finger-print-verification system ever since Marathon and Thermophylae. Who is he? Has he descended, as he claims, from Krishna, the divine charioteer who preaches to Arjuna on the battlefield of the Bhagavad-Gita, or - if the question is not a delicate one - from Socrates, the gallant Attic sage, beguiler and scoundrel who never gave a straight answer in his entire life. Is he a nerve-specialist in search of knowledge, Vonnegut incarnate, or a great Shakespearian scholar?

The case has never been solved!


Dreamy

12 comments:

Richard Madeley said...

Selena,

I've been remiss. Elberry left a comment over at my place asking me to suggest to you that you change your comment options so he and other non-Blogger bloggers can leave comments.

So, though this goes against your quite sensible discrimination against anonymous posters, you would need to go to your Dashboard and, under Settings, find the Comments tab. Change the option under 'Who Can Comment?' to Registered Users.

Job done.

Selena Dreamy said...

Gosh, I am totally confused. My apologies to Elberry, and anyone have been unable to comment. I had no idea that such a difficulty could even exist...?

I shall go and look at the settings now. Please bear with me...I'll probably brake the Internet!!

Selena Dreamy said...

Done! (I hope).

Please, anyone unable to comment - feel free to e-mail me.

And Richard, I'd be lost without you...

elberry said...

That is a most pleasing rebuke, Selena. Your generosity and wit are a rarity on the internet. If you are a woman, my apologies if my typically over-the-top rant irritated!

Dennis said...

Ms Dreamy, you could do worse than Rodney Forrester, whose adventures are detailed in my latest post. His predilection for Bojo aside, he is surely the answer to every maiden's prayer.

Just a thought.

Selena Dreamy said...

Elberry: That is a most pleasing rebuke, Selena.

Trust me to mock someone whose only crime has been to be a spirited and capricious wit...

Bretwalda Edwin-Higham said...

...she has to prove that she is gifted!...

Not to a man with receptors - I've just posted on intelligent women.

xx

Selena Dreamy said...

On Rodney Forrester, I must reserve my judgement - due to lack of browser resolution, Dennis! But I can't help feeling that the nobility and integrity of his character and actions are indeed nothing but beneficial to every maiden’s virtue....

mutleythedog said...

I am afraid I did not understand all of this, and I have been reading it for nearly three minutes... wasn't Gobineau a NAZI?

Jonathan said...

'Personally, I am weary of Englishmen who read Wittgenstein. They want to screw us with sophistry.'

Marvellous.

Selena Dreamy said...

... wasn't Gobineau a NAZI?

yep! Goebbel's favourite. Though, one ought to remember perhaps, that this is just a satire...

mutleythedog said...

I was just waiting for some more high heel shots... and maybe a naked Selena in jack boots.