Sunday, 27 January 2008

A SALUTE TO JEROME KERVIEL - PRISONER OF FRANCE!

I've been rather haunted by the things that I have left undone in my life.

One of which is to match Her Majesty the Queen’s Gothic range of greeny-taupe wallpaper (apparently the best colour for viewing fine jewellery). The other, misappropriating £ 3.000.000.000. For the first time in my life I have a compatriot in the innermost part of myself. The feeling of isolation and loneliness which has haunted me all those years has vanished. Thanks to the prisoner of France‘s conscience: Jerome Kerviel, I am inundated with the gratifying awareness that I have shed, in one liberating instant, all my unexpressed anxieties about failure and culpability. Nor shall I ever measure a man by anything other than the size of his ambition. I wish I could be more envious of ordinary people's achievements but I never am. What, by comparison, is a paltry £ 120,000 in proxy donations by Labour activists?

Barely the price of a jeroboam-of-champagne!

Did you know that the French are the biggest consumers of anti-depressants in the world? Which certainly hastened the need for action. Unlimited venture capitalism bent over and offered them their orifice. And Kerviel shoved it up their arse. Eureka! It doesn't get any more exhilarating than that! Nor did they see him go through any red lights. He is a rogue trader, mes amis - consequently you were buggered by a rogue.

My kind and most affectionate compliments, Kerviel, Prisoner of France:

Je suis entierement a vous, cher Jerome! Cuisses ouvertes je vous attend!

Or for those who prefer it in French:

I have no ambitions other than yours, cher Jerome. I must worship you or die!

Please God, preserve me from small and insignificant favours! Champagne just tickles my nose.


Dreamy

4 comments:

Richard Madeley said...

Selena, you did warn me but I still came over. Much as I appreciate the scale of this man's crimes (the 'You Say We Pay' mixup is piffling by comparison), when I saw the name 'Kerviel', I did mistakenly read it as 'Knievel', as in the late stunt ace, Evel. Which sort of changed the complexion of the whole piece, if I'm to be perfectly honest. I was imagining a man on a motorbike committing buggery while jumping twelve buses.

You were so right. I shouldn't have come over tonight. But I do now wonder if stunt buggery might not be the little twist that the world of motorbikes has been missing all these years.

mutleythedog said...

Jerome is a genuine hero I think - I have been screaming with laughter all week! Do you know that at one stage he had positions of about £27 billion!!!

Selena Dreamy said...

I was imagining a man on a motorbike committing buggery while jumping twelve buses.

Gosh, you got me again, Richard. My belly is very trim, but it was still a great belly laugh...

Mutley: Do you know that at one stage he had positions of about £27 billion!!!

The mind boogles! I can’t help relishing the thing. Did you see the film about Geeson, who broke Barings. I keep watching it, over and over again...what a treat!!

Selena Dreamy said...
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